What I Wish People Understood About Mental Health Before Saying “Just Get Over It”
There are certain things people say about mental health that probably sound harmless to them, but they can hit a lot harder than they realize. “Just get over it.” “Stop thinking about it.” “Calm down.” “Try to think positive.” I have heard different versions of those words over the years, and every time, it feels like what I am dealing with is being reduced to something that should be easy to control.
That is one of the most frustrating parts for me because it can make me feel like I am crazy, like maybe what I am going through is not really an issue, or like people think it is all in my head. Technically, yes, mental health involves the brain, but that does not mean it is imaginary. The fear is real. The exhaustion is real. The tension in my chest is real. The urge to withdraw from people is real. The frustration of wanting my brain to slow down and realizing it is still going is very real.
I wish it were as simple as telling my brain to stop.
If that worked, I probably would have done it a long time ago.
Knowing Something Is Not the Same as Being Able to Stop It
I think one thing people sometimes have trouble understanding is that you can know something logically and still struggle with it emotionally. I can tell myself that I am overthinking. I can know that a situation might not be as bad as my mind is making it feel. I can even recognize that I am spiraling while it is happening, but knowing that does not automatically make my brain stop.
My brain can keep going even while I am telling myself to calm down. That is part of what makes it exhausting. You are not only dealing with whatever originally upset you, but then you start fighting with yourself because you cannot shut it off. After a while, it can feel like your mind has been running all day while the rest of you is trying to catch up.
That is why phrases like “just get over it” bother me so much. It becomes one of those situations where the answer sounds easy when somebody else says it, but actually doing it is completely different.
It is easier said than done.
There Is No One-Day Fix
Mental health is not something I can wake up one morning and decide I am finished dealing with. I wish it worked that way, but it does not. Sometimes something might take days to work through. Sometimes it can take months. Some things can follow you for years, especially when they are connected to experiences, fears, or patterns that have been part of your life for a long time.
I have been dealing with my own mental-health struggles for more than 30 years, and I am still struggling with some of them. That does not mean I have not grown. It does not mean I have not learned anything or that I am not trying. It just means there are things that take time, and sometimes progress is a lot slower than people on the outside realize.
For me, having the right support around me makes a difference. Being surrounded by good people matters. Having somebody who listens without immediately trying to fix me matters. Sometimes the support itself becomes part of how I keep moving forward.
I think that is something people forget when they say, “Just get over it.” They might only be saying those words for a few seconds, but the person hearing them could already have been fighting with their own mind for hours, days, months, or years.
You Do Not Have to Understand Everything
I do not expect somebody who has never dealt with mental-health problems to completely understand what it feels like. I actually think that would be an unfair expectation. If you have never experienced it yourself, there are parts of it that are probably going to be hard to understand.
What I wish people would do is recognize that.
Take a moment and realize that just because you do not experience something does not mean it is not real for somebody else. You may not understand why their brain is reacting a certain way, why they are scared, why their chest feels tight, why they suddenly want to withdraw, or why they seem exhausted when nothing obvious happened from your point of view.
That does not mean nothing is happening.
Sometimes the biggest struggle is happening where nobody else can see it.
I have tried explaining what mental health feels like to people before, and honestly, it is really hard to explain. That can become frustrating by itself because you are trying to put something into words that is happening in your head, your emotions, and sometimes your body all at once. You can describe pieces of it, but that still does not always make somebody understand what living with it actually feels like.
I have had to learn that people cannot see what is happening inside my head. If they have never experienced something similar, they may not know what they are looking at.
Being Around People Who Understand Changes Something
I know a few people who deal with mental-health struggles too, including someone close to me. Their situations are not exactly the same as mine. Their health, experiences, and the way mental health affects them can be completely different, but being around people who understand that kind of struggle makes me feel more relaxed.
I feel calmer around them because I do not feel quite as alone.
There is something different about talking to somebody who already knows what it is like when your own brain will not cooperate with you. You do not necessarily have to explain every tiny detail. They may not know exactly what you are feeling, but they know what it is like to have their own version of that fight.
That matters to me because mental health can make the world feel very lonely sometimes. When you meet somebody else who has been through their own struggles, there is this reminder that you are not the only person trying to figure all of this out.
“Just Get Over It” Can Make Things Worse
One thing I wish people understood is that saying “just get over it” does not always motivate somebody. For me, it can do the opposite.
I shame myself when somebody says something like that to me.
Instead of helping me move forward, it can start another spiral. I begin questioning myself. Why am I still struggling with this? Why can’t I handle it better? Why can’t I just stop thinking about it? Other people seem to be able to move on, so what is wrong with me?
Now I am not only dealing with whatever was bothering me in the first place. I am also judging myself for being bothered by it.
That is a really difficult place to end up because shame does not magically make mental health disappear. Most of the time, it just adds more weight to something that was already heavy.
I think people sometimes believe they are giving tough advice that will push someone forward, but they may not realize that the person they are talking to has probably already been tough on themselves all day.
I Want to Improve
This is another thing I really wish people understood about me. Struggling does not mean I do not want to get better.
I do.
I want to improve myself. I want to understand my mental health better. I want to keep learning how to handle the thoughts, fear, exhaustion, and everything else that comes with it. I do not want to stay stuck in the same place forever.
But wanting to improve and being able to fix everything immediately are two completely different things.
I am still building that foundation under myself. Part of that foundation comes from me learning how to deal with my own mind, but part of it also comes from having supportive people around me. I need people who can see that I am struggling without making me feel ashamed for struggling. I need people who can recognize that I am hurting even if they do not completely understand why.
Sometimes support is not about having the perfect answer.
Sometimes it is just somebody being able to say, “I do not completely understand what is happening, but I can see that this is hard for you, and I can see that you are trying.”
That means a lot more to me than “just get over it.”
What I Wish People Would Do Instead
If somebody you care about is struggling with their mental health, I do not think you need to become an expert overnight. You do not have to understand every thought in their head or know exactly how to fix the problem.
Sometimes I think the best thing you can do is admit that you do not fully understand while still believing that what they are experiencing is real. Acknowledging that you may not grasp the entire situation can create an environment of empathy and support. It reminds us that everyone has their own unique perspectives and experiences that shape their feelings and thoughts.
Listen. Listening is one of the most powerful tools we have in communication. It is more than just hearing words; it involves being present and truly engaging with the person speaking. This active listening can help the individual feel validated and understood, even if you don’t share their perspective.
Be patient. Patience is critical when navigating moments of confusion or emotional distress. Allowing someone the time to express themselves, without rushing to conclusions or solutions, can lead to deeper understanding and stronger connections. It encourages an open dialogue where both parties can learn and grow from the exchange. Embracing patience allows for a more profound relationship, built on trust and mutual respect.
Look at the person in front of you and recognize that they may be trying a lot harder than it appears from the outside.
I know I am still struggling. After more than 30 years, I would love to tell you that I figured everything out and now I know exactly how to control my brain every time it starts going in the wrong direction.
I do not.
I am still learning.
I am still trying to build a stronger foundation underneath myself so I can keep moving forward. Some days I handle things better than others. Some days my brain still gets the better of me.
What I need from the people around me is not somebody telling me how easy it should be to get over something.
I need people who can see that I am struggling, see that I am in pain, and also see that I am trying to improve myself.
You may never completely understand what is happening inside my head, and honestly, I do not expect you to.
Just please do not mistake something you cannot see for something that is not real.
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